


Hey, I Love You.

by littlest_prince



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mental Instability, Mentioned Abuse, Minor Character Death, Unnamed characters - Freeform, flowers are mentioned in here so much, jongin loves daisies, mentioned blood, this is my third time trying to put tags and dont remember them again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-18 01:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19966318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlest_prince/pseuds/littlest_prince
Summary: “I hope he’s okay.” Kyungsoo mumbled, eyes following the guard as he carries the unconscious man through a different door with nurses on his heels, all discussing something under their breaths.“He’s the one that brought me a flower today.”





	Hey, I Love You.

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY THIRD TIMES THE CHARM. I abandoned this for a month, lost the first draft to post and had everything set up, then I started the second draft and had it set up to post. I posted it, BUT I WASN'T LOGGED IN. Now, for the third time I hope it works. I still don't remember all the tags I used, but there's some that I knew needed to be there because they're triggers for people. If you find something that may be a trigger to you or others, please tell me and I will add them. I was in a mood when writing this, wrote the majority of it at 4am due to a hectic work schedule of working until midnight. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Bright flowers lined the walk, trees covered the path letting in some rays of sunlight between branched. They swayed with the gentle summer breeze. He kept a smile on his face despite all that was going on around him. People nobody else could see were trying to get his attention, some screaming for him, some trying to grab at him. His smile never faltered at the commotion around.

With long strides through the gardens, Jongin admired every flower that was planted, watching all of them bloom and welcome the warmth of the sun’s caressing rays. Jongin felt like a garden. In his mind there were many flowers blooming and thriving inside, there were so many that it felt like some were sprouting out of his ears. Sometimes, Jongdae would tell him that there’s a daisy peeking out one ear, and a flower sprouting from the top of his head. Jongin would just smile and continue walking through the gardens or reading his book, never paying the voice behind his ears any attention.

Jongdae was his strongest. He would always be around. Never beside him, always behind him in a helpful and caring voice. Jongdae would tune the other’s out or push them away when Jongin was in a vulnerable state, not wanting another bad episode where people would flood his room. He may tease Jongin every so often, but never to a tipping point.

The tipping point would kick Jongdae to the curb and the others would come.

“Oh, Jongdae, look. They planted new flowers.” Jongin pointed towards the rows and rows of newly planted daisies, hoping Jongdae would acknowledge them and not just scoff like every other time, but Jongdae never answered.

“Jongdae?” He could feel his heartbeat begin to pick up, Jongdae was always there. The only time he wouldn’t respond was if he was hiding, “Jongdae! Where did you go?”

“ _ He’s gone, Jongin. _ ” 

“No he isn’t! Bring Jongdae back!” Jongin began shouting, heart racing and eyes bouncing as he tried to look for Jongdae. A few people began looking at the frantic man, murmuring to one another, and some catching the attention to staff near the garden entrance.

“Bring Jongdae back! Bring him back! I can’t!” Jongin began pulling at his hair as hands began grabbing at his clothes, at any part they could reach, all of them talking at once. Tears began streaming down his face as he screamed for Jongdae.

People began to stare Jongin as he thrashed around in the middle of the path, they watched as he tried to free himself from nothing. He swiped at his arms, pulled his hair, pushed his arms around as if he were trying to get someone off of him. One passerby that had tried to get close, ask him what was wrong, couldn’t as the man continued to scream and cry and push imaginary people away.

Nurses began flooding the garden path, trying to get to Jongin quick so he couldn’t hurt anyone around. The hands that grabbed at him, the voices that began asking questions, it all became too much for an overwhelmed, terrified Jongin. He collapsed into a nurses arms.

  
  
  


Kyungsoo was late. Nothing was worse than being late to a visit with someone who was bed ridden in a hospital, quite possibly on their deathbed, ready to take their final breath and he was late. Panting, Kyungsoo made it to his grandma’s hospital room, the woman occupied with reading to her great-granddaughter, Seungsoo’s daughter. Nobody had noticed that he was nearly ten minutes late.

“Hello, grandma,” Kyungsoo smiled, striding over to the woman’s bed and pressed a kiss to her temple. She stopped mid sentence to look up at her grandson and smile.

“How are you, Kyungsoo sweetie. It’s been awhile hasn’t it.” The older woman smiled more as she spoke. 

“It has,” His smile became sad. He visits his grandmother every day and yet, the next day when Kyungsoo steps into her hospital room, she doesn’t remember the day before. She can only remember him, never the walks they take through the gardens, never the stories he tells her about his day or the past. 

His grandma continues reading to Jisoo while Kyungsoo moves his chair-the nurses have all been calling it  _ Kyungsoo’s Home _ and know to leave it in the room — beside the bed to be close to his grandma.

“Hey, Soo?” Seungsoo speaks up from the opposite side of the room, “Can I talk to you for a second?” The two step out into the hall, shutting the door behind them so neither their grandmother or Jisoo can hear their discussion.

“I spoke with her doctor today.” Kyungsoo visibly stiffened at his brother’s words, “They say it’s getting worse. Mom and dad came today and she didn’t even recognize dad. She doesn’t know her son, she doesn’t know what she did the day before. She can’t even remember why she’s in the hospital, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo knew. He knew why she was there. He blames himself every day as to why she’s there.

“She remembers me.” A dark cloud formed around Kyungsoo, thunder rumbling above him like he was going to have his own rainstorm over his head.

“Some day she won’t. She may know me and you and Jisoo know, but maybe next week those memories will fade away and,” Seungsoo stops himself before Kyungsoo’s cloud could grow more.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. What else did he say about her? Is her heart okay?” Seungsoo refused to speak. His mouth remained shut, not wanting to hurt his brother more, “Answer me, Seungsoo.” Tears began welling up in his eyes.

“You know the answer, Soo.” Kyungsoo didn’t want to believe anything his older brother said anymore. He didn’t want to think of the weeks, maybe days, ahead of him, he didn’t want to think of what was going to happen. He only wanted to see his grandma smile and remember.

Seungsoo left a stormy Kyungsoo in the hall, walking into the room to get his daughter and leave as it was nearing time for them to be home. Kyungsoo walked into the room before they left, giving Jisoo a hug and kiss to the top of her head, the little girl claiming that “ _Uncle Soo never comes over anymore!_ _Daddy you should invite Uncle Soo over!_ ”, as she tried to crawl into her uncles arms. A plan was made for Kyungsoo to visit his brother’s house much to Jisoo’s delight and as the two left the room, Kyungsoo sat down beside his grandmother.

“How are you, grandma?” Kyungsoo sighed, holding onto her right hand, rubbing his thumb gently against the back of her hand.

“I’m okay, Soo. A little tired today. How are you, my little Soo.” His grandma smiled as she looked at him. She always called him her little Soo even as a child, she always babied him more than she did to Seungsoo or any other grandchild .

“Really good,” Kyungsoo lied, “Do you want to walk today, or do you want to stay inside and sleep a little? You did say you were tired.”

“We can walk, I haven’t left this stuffy room all day.” She began to sit up, struggling a little making Kyungsoo jump up from his chair to help her get out of the bed. 

A nurse walked in right as Kyungsoo got her to sit on the edge of the bed, already armed with a wheelchair for them. She helped Kyungsoo get his grandmother into the seat along with moving the tubes and other equipment to her side. An air tank sat comfortably in her lap while the nurse disconnected the IV drip from her arm, so they wouldn’t have to lug it around. Usually some nurses forced them to keep her connected, but today’s nurse was nicer than most.

“Don’t be out for too long, you two.” The nurse teased as Kyungsoo began wheeling his grandmother out of the room and towards the elevator. He smiled and shook his head at the nurse before stopping in front of the metal doors, pressing the down button and waiting.

“Did anyone else visit you today?” Kyungsoo asked when the door opened, pushing her gently into the small space.

“A nice boy came in today. He was bringing a flower to every patient. That’s what the nurse told me.”

“What kind of flower?” That was strange. Most days when Kyungsoo asks her questions she can barely recall them, only knowing when family visits.

“It was a pretty little white one.” She answered with ease. Kyungsoo never saw a flower in her room today. One of the nurses must had taken it to put it in a cup of water for her. The elevator stopped at the ground floor, opening swiftly and multiple people standing and waiting, some nurses, some visitors. Kyungsoo quickly pushed his grandmother out of the metal box and towards the garden doors. 

“Oh, are we going to the gardens today?” Kyungsoo knew she never remembered that this was their daily routine. Strolling through the gardens, smiling and greeting other patients who were out with their nurses for some fresh air, or with a visitors, sometimes just visitors taking a breather from the sterile air inside the big, stuffy hospital.

“Yes. I heard that they planted new flowers today, would you like to see them?” His grandmother nodded, a smile blooming on her face like she was a flower herself. Her infectious smile got everyone around her to smile, no matter the mood.

Kyungsoo opened the doors by using the handicap button beside them, both swinging out with practised ease. He began pushing the wheelchair through the space as a group of nurses, and maybe a few security guards rushed pass them.

It wasn’t rare to see many nurses and guards running into the gardens, it happened nearly every day, and every time Kyungsoo took his grandmother outside. Their hospital had a mental ward that occupied the whole first and second floors. Many of the patients that wandered the gardens were ones from those floors, often out to see the world or try to calm themselves of episodes. Sometimes the gardens were where episodes happened. Kyungsoo always felt a pang in his heart whenever an episode struck a patient and nurses would be rushing to their aid.

Today was no different than any other day. As Kyungsoo walked the path towards the newly planted flowers, he could hear a commotion. The nurses and guards were running to a man that looked almost too young to be here, he was screaming like he was in pain, screaming like someone was trying to hurt him. Kyungsoo could hear the fear in his voice as he screams himself hoarse. His hands were tugging at his clothes and hair, seeing and feeling things everyone else couldn’t see. A patient was pushed by accident as they tried to help, some nurses turning their attention to him rather than the terrified man.

“How sad,” Kyungsoo’s grandmother spoke up, “That poor boy.”

Kyungsoo stood in silence as he watched the screaming man suddenly collapse into a nurse and guards arms. His face was still scrunched in pain, tears were still falling in fear, and his arms were curling around his body to protect himself.

“I hope he’s okay.” Kyungsoo mumbled, eyes following the guard as he carries the unconscious man through a different door with nurses on his heels, all discussing something under their breaths.

“He’s the one that brought me a flower today.”

  
  
  
  


“ _ Are you ever going to wake up? _ ” 

“Leave me alone, Jongdae. I don’t want to talk to you today.” Jongin pouted, trying to bury himself deeper into his blankets.

“ _ But, you just said something to me so technically you already failed at that. _ ”

“You abandoned me yesterday. They made me think you weren’t there anymore. That.. that I didn’t have anybody but them.” He closed his eyes tighter, tugging on his hair as the voices around him continued to grow louder.

_ Useless. Meaningless. Nothing. He doesn’t like you. He’s only here to pity you. _

“ _ I have to sleep too, y'know. Not just you. _ ” Jongin would roll his eyes if he wasn’t too busy trying to get away from the voices.

“I, I can’t.. I can’t. I CAN’T,” Jongin shouted, curling into himself, knees moving so fast that he almost hit his chin, “I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T,”

“ _ They can’t hurt you, Jongin. They aren’t there. Nobody can hurt you, _ ”

“They won’t leave. They won’t leave me alone. Leave me alone! Please…. please!” Jongin cried, he grabbed at his ears, pulling on them harder than he was pulling on his hair. He didn’t want to hear them anymore. His cries grew louder, loud enough for someone to rush into his room.

Jongin could feel his blanket being pulled back and hands gripping his own that were pressing down on his ears rather than pulling on them. His hands were pulled away from his ears and he was turned away from the wall. Someone was trying to talk to him. 

“You’re okay, Jongin. You’re okay. Listen to me. I’m here, I’m right here.” It was his nurse, Minseok. He released his hands in favor of pulling the younger into his arms and running his fingers through Jongin’s hair. Minseok had learned that was the easiest way to distract Jongin from the voices.

“Min… Minseok? Minseok? Are you-” Jongin started before he looked up, eyes going wide at the sight. It didn’t look like Minseok but it sounded like him. His eyes were a deep, dark black, like a void, mouth oozing with red, dripping down his chin and onto Jongin. Instead of comforting fingers threading through his hair, instead it was razor sharp nails digging into Jongin’s scalp, making the man scream and scream while thrashing in the supposed nurse’s arms, trying desperately to get away from the monster holding him.

Minseok began calling for other nurses, someone to come in and bring a sedative.

“ _ Jongin, it’s just Minseokkie. He’s here to help you. He isn’t a monster. _ ”

Jongin refused to open his eyes and look at the dark void again, to see the blood pooling out of his mouth. 

“It’s not Minseok! It isn’t! No No NO!” Jongin shouted, tears still racing down his face as if it were a racetrack, blood now covering his fingertips as he tried to get the supposed razor sharp fingernails out of his scalp.

Minseok had long ago removed his hand from Jongin’s head when he began screaming louder than before.

“ _ I don’t want to do this, Nini. _ ”

There was a sharp pain in Jongin’s back, his screaming coming to an abrupt stop. The nurses never did a thing to him.

  
  
  
  


It was raining when Kyungsoo came to the hospital. The sky was grey as were the faces of the nurses. A vase of daisies sat on the side table. 

Kyungsoo’s family were all tucked away in the small hospital room, the youngest Do sitting in his chair, holding onto his grandmother’s hand. He had been there all day and all night, nobody bothering him as he sat in silence beside her.

“Soo,” Seungsoo put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, “You haven’t moved for two days, why don’t you go walk down to the cafeteria or to the gardens.”

“It’s raining.” Was all Kyungsoo could whisper. The gardens were closed because it was raining.

“Let’s go to the cafeteria.” Seungsoo pulled Kyungsoo away from their grandmother, allowing their parents to be alone with her instead. Kyungsoo wanted to refuse, but his stomach protested instead, begging to be filled with food.

Seungsoo practically carried his brother down the hall after Kyungsoo nearly collapsed on the floor from taking one step. When they reached the elevator, he was able to lean against the wall and wait, and do the same inside the metal box. Kyungsoo got the feeling back in his legs by the time the elevator stopped on the ground floor.

“It looks like the rain is starting to clear,” His brother said, eyes looking straight at the gardens outside, dark clouds starting to say goodbye and move to a new home for now. Kyungsoo just nodded, going towards the cafeteria instead of lingering on the windows to the gardens, still holding a blank face as he passed visitors.

He only grabbed a sandwich and water, not feeling hungry enough for more than that. After not eating for two, maybe even three, days, Kyungsoo felt sick to his stomach when he took one bite out of the sandwich. He sat alone at a random table near the window, Seungsoo had run off somewhere, Kyungsoo didn’t really care. As long as it was quiet, Kyungsoo didn’t care one bit. It wasn’t until another tray was slowly and gently set down in front of Kyungsoo did he look away from the droplets racing against the glass.

Kyungsoo lifted his head a little to look at the person trying to sit with him. It was the man who had an episode last week in the gardens. His shoulders were rolling in on themselves as his eyes grew wide like a doe’s, lips parting and hands tightening around the tray.

“I.. I’m sorry, but… uh there’s nowhere else.. nowhere else to sit so I… um,” The young man stopped to try and work the words out, “I thought that maybe… maybe I could sit here? With you?” He stumbled and choked on his words while staring at Kyungsoo, fear laced in with the mess of a sentence that came out.

Kyungsoo just turned back to the window, not caring if the man sat down near him as long as he didn’t try to talk to him.

“I don’t want to bother him, Jongdae,” The young man muttered to himself, head twitching a little along with his right hand that occupied a spoon, “No. No, that’s rude. Be quiet, I’m trying to eat.”

He didn’t pay the man any mind, letting him eat his food and mumble to himself, watching the small ticks and twitches in his hand every so often. Kyungsoo felt bad for him. It wasn’t the typical feel bad feeling, it was an  _ I want to protect you and help you _ kind of feeling.

“Excuse me,” Kyungsoo spoke up. He watched the man whip his head up, wincing at the force of how fast he moved, “What’s your name?”

“Uh,” He quickly swallowed the food that was puffed in his cheeks before speaking again, “I’m Jongin.. Kim Jongin.” The man-Jongin-folded into himself again, hands fidgeting with his spoon as he kept his eyes down, “Who- I mean, what’s your na.. name,”

“Do Kyungsoo.”

“Oh,” Jongin was hunched over the table, hands twitching more than Kyungsoo believed was normal, like they itched to be somewhere not holding a utensil.

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked softly, ready to move around the table to the seat beside Jongin.

“Too loud. It’s too.. too loud,” The man stuttered out, his spoon rattling against the plastic tray as his hands flew up to grab at his ears. Kyungsoo pushed himself away from the table and dragged his chair to Jongin’s left instead.

“Are they too loud for you?” Kyungsoo looked around the room, nobody was talking and if they were, it was a hushed conversation, nothing was louder than a whisper. Jongin began pulling on his ears like it was a way to escape the sounds around him. Kyungsoo could see tears spilling down his face as his chin trembled, eyes squeezed shut.

Without thinking, Kyungsoo wrapped himself around Jongin, his own hands clapping over the man’s ears, hoping it would help him more. Kyungsoo sat there with Jongin, watching him with wide eyes, trying to make sure he wasn’t in pain, making sure it wasn’t loud anymore. 

  
  
  


_ “You’re too girly. You should be more like your brother. He, at least, is going to school for something useful, not a stupid dance degree.”  _

_ “But,” Jongin tried to speak up against his father, hands trembling as he tried to find the right words, “It… It-” _

_ “No ‘buts’ Jongin. Be a fucking man for once and stop acting like you’re fucking six and playing pretend. You’re 25 for fucks sake. Act like it.” Jongin could feel the familiar sting of tears along with the pain of his father’s slap. He kept his head down, avoiding eye contact with his father, “You’re useless. A waste of air.” His father spit out at him. _

_ Jongin waited for his father to leave the room before he ran to his brother’s bedroom. Jongdae wasn’t home, but he would be in fifteen minutes as he usually was on Thursday nights. Hot tears trickled down Jongin’s cheeks as he cradled Jongdae’s pillow in his arms, face pressing into the fabric to muffle his hiccups. _

_ “Nini?” Jongin heard Jongdae talking but couldn’t see him, “Nini, it’s okay. You’ll be okay.” _

_ “Dae?” Jongin looked up, tears still blurring his vision, Jongdae wasn’t in the room, “Where are you?”  _

_ “I’m here, Jongin. They can’t hurt you.” His voice faded to a whisper when Jongdae walked through the door, instantly rushing to his brothers side when he saw the tears and purpling of his jaw. _

_ “Jongin! Are you okay?” He hugged him close, inspecting his jaw and other spots their father may have hit him. _

_ “I.. I, you… you-” Jongin furrowed his brow before turning to Jongdae, “I heard you but. But I didn’t see you?” _

_ “What? That’s crazy, Nini,” Jongdae smiled, “How could you have heard me if I wasn’t here?” _

_ “I don’t know,” Jongin whispered, hugging the pillow tighter to his chest, wincing a little. _

_ “What did he say today?” _

_ “What?” Jongin whipped his head up, staring wide eyed at his brother. _

_ “What did he  _ say _ , Jongin.” Jongdae sounded angry. He knew that Jongin was being abused by their father, he was the one Jongin ran to every time he got hit, every time he said something horrible to Jongin. _

_ “He said I was useless. That.. that I should be like.. you and that I act like I’m. I’m six. I’m a waste of air… That I’m a waste of air.” _

_ “That bastard. Thinking he can talk to you like that.” Jongdae clenched his jaw, looking as though he was going to break something, “He isn’t even related to us. Why does he think he can do that, say those things.” _

_ Jongdae was right. He wasn’t their father. He was their step-father, but they still called him ‘dad’. _

_ “Please don’t do anything, Dae. It.. it’s okay, I’m okay.” Jongin held onto his brother’s sweatshirt as he got off the bed. _

_ “No, Jongin. It’s not okay for him to be treating you this way! It could be hurting you more than you think. I’m going to say something.” Jongdae moved towards the door, hand on the doorknob, Jongin chasing after him. _

_ “Jongdae please. Please don’t. I’ll just try to avoid him. Please, please just don’t say anything to him. I don’t want to make it worse or get you involved.” Jongin pleaded, eyes wide with fear as thoughts started racing. He could try to go after Jongdae, he could hurt him too. Jongin didn’t want his older brother going through what he was. _

_ “Okay,” Jongdae moved away from the door and hugged Jongin, “But, if it gets worse, promise you’ll tell me, okay?” Jongin nodded. _

  
  


Jongin had invited him to the gardens. After Kyungsoo ran into him while walking to his grandmother’s room, Jongin had shyly asked Kyungsoo if he wanted to walk in the gardens with him. Kyungsoo smiled and nodded as a response, making the younger man grin and hand him a daisy before running off to the next room, hand still full of flowers.

“Hello, grandma.” Kyungsoo’s smile was still stuck to his face as he entered the room, sitting in his chair after adding the daisy from Jongin into the vase beside her bed.

“My little Soo, how are you today?” The old lady held onto his hand, smile growing on her face.

“I’m doing okay, grandma. How about you?” 

“Better than last week.” Kyungsoo felt his heart rate pick up. Last week he had barely left the hospital to be by her side. The rain never stopped until the day he met Jongin, after meeting him, his grandmother woke up.

“Have the nurses bedridden you for the week or are you allowed to go walk the gardens with me?” Kyungsoo asked, moving to the edge of his seat. He knew he was supposed to meet Jongin there today, but Kyungsoo wanted to walk with his grandmother for a while.

“I’m afraid I have to stay put today, my little Soo. After last week’s scare, I’m not allowed to leave. Maybe next time, Soo.” His grandmother looked sad that they couldn’t leave the room. Kyungsoo, however, was shocked that she had remembered what happened the week before. Any time he asked her, she would always tell him the same thing. 

Before Kyungsoo could utter another word, a nurse walked in and shooed him out of the room, claiming that it was time for his grandmother to have her tests run, nobody was allowed to be in the room. It was odd that they were kicking Kyungsoo out as other times he was always in the room when they ran tests or the doctors came in and asked questions. He was there mostly as a buffer between them, he could remember what she ate, when she last went to the bathroom and other important things that she couldn’t. 

Kyungsoo decided to go to the gardens while they were doing the tests. When he stepped outside, he could smell the flowers and feel every weight being lifted off his shoulders. The worry of his grandmother and the stress of his job were gone as he walked around, looking at every flower. 

A tap to his shoulder made Kyungsoo look away from the flowers. It was Jongin. His hair was a mess, as usual, along with the hospital clothes he wore. He didn’t wear a gown like most patients did, they looked like pajamas to Kyungsoo, but he did wear a hospital robe that fell off his left shoulder. Jongin’s face was bright, but his eyes were full of fear as they bounced around, not looking directly at Kyungsoo, always moving a small bit. There were small scars on his face, one on his left cheekbone and one above his right eyebrow, a few were scattered on his jaw and some were resting on his collarbones. 

“Hi, Jongin.” Kyungsoo greeted the younger.

“Hi,” Jongin grinned at Kyungsoo, “Here.” He held out a crown of daisies braided together, waiting for Kyungsoo to take it from his hands.

“Did you make this?” The younger nodded as Kyungsoo picked up the flowers, looking at the intricate details and small stems braided. There were still leaves resting in the bundle and a few other white flowers that Kyungsoo couldn’t name. He gently placed the crown on his head, seeing Jongin’s face light up even more.

“You look so pretty,” Jongin smiled, his face going blank for a second before returning to the smile, “Jongdae thinks so too.”

Kyungsoo stopped for a moment, remembering that it wasn’t the first time Jongin had mentioned someone named Jongdae, and it most likely wasn’t going to be the last time either. 

“Well, thank you, and tell Jongdae I said thank you to him as well,” Kyungsoo didn’t want to cause any trouble if he had asked who this person was that Jongin would talk to from time to time, or mention, “Where do you want to go first? Are there specific flowers you like to look at?”

“I like the daisies.” Jongin spoke, grabbing for Kyungsoo’s hand as he started walking towards the path to the daisies. His hold on Kyungsoo’s hand was gentle, yet his hands were rough with the healed gashes across the tops, some scars on his palms. His left hand was bandaged, wrapped tightly around the palm and disappearing down his sleeve.

The two walked in a comfortable silence as they passed under the trees, Jongin walking a bit slower for Kyungsoo as his one step was two of Kyungsoo’s. There were a few patients that wore the same getup as Jongin did, others with a different color than the plain white Jongin was dressed in. Some were with visitors, some had nurses with them, and some were just alone sitting on the benches or in the grass. There were always patients and visitors in the gardens, it was a place to escape. A place for them to be somewhere else, a change from their reality. 

“Uh,” Jongin mumbled, pulling Kyungsoo out of his thoughts, “Here… here are the daisies.”

“Oh, they’re very pretty.” Kyungsoo bent down to look at the small flowers, there were different colors, some yellows and pinks.

“I like to pick the white ones for everyone. The gardeners get mad at me sometimes.” Jongin pouted as he sat down in the grass, making sure he wasn’t going to be crushing any of the flowers, “The white ones are my favorite and I always want to give them to everyone so they can be happy like I am when I see them.”

“That’s very thoughtful, Jongin. Do you know what they mean?” Kyungsoo sat down beside Jongin. The younger nodded before answering.

“They mean innocence and hope. I like to give people hope here. I like to keep them full of hope that they’ll be able to leave here with no worries and that everything will be okay for them.” Jongin frowned as he plucked a white daisy, twirling it in his fingers, “I used to work at a flower shop before I had to come here. I knew the meaning of every flower. I knew how to put together the most beautiful bouquets and arrangements. My boss loved my work.

“When she found out about what I was, she fired me. I couldn’t pay for my school anymore and had to drop out and move back home. My dad didn’t want me back and called me names. He hit me. I still lived there.” Jongin pulled some of the petals off the flower, “I kept hearing voices that would repeat the words to me when I wasn’t around him. When I was alone, when I would be walking around town. When I was with my brother and his friends.

“They were always there and wouldn’t go away. They got louder after… after my brother died. I hear him every day, but I don’t see him like I see other people. There’s always voices around me and people trying to grab at me, trying to hurt me and-and he always tries to comfort me like he did with our dad.” Kyungsoo noticed Jongin had dropped the flower stem and began picking at the back of his hand, fingers trying to dig into the skin.

“Jongin,” He started, trying to get him to stop his spiraling before something would happen.

“I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean to.” Jongin mumbled, shoulders curling in again, like the first time they met in the cafeteria.

“It’s okay, Jongin. I just— I didn’t want something to happen to you.” Kyungsoo put his hand over Jongin’s, pulling his bandaged hand away to stop him from breaking the skin, “How about we go get some food, hm?” 

  
  
  


They met at the daisies whenever Kyungsoo came to visit his grandmother. There were days where Jongin wasn’t allowed out of his room or where Kyungsoo couldn’t leave his grandmother’s side, but they still managed to see each other every time.

Today was the day that Kyungsoo didn’t want to be around anyone, not his brother, not his parents, not even his dogs at home or even Jongin. He found his way to the roof, or close enough to the roof. 

Kyungsoo sighed as he stared out of the window. There was a small area in the hospital that was on the top floor, visitors were allowed to roam and rest while patients were elsewhere that they weren’t allowed to be. Most would be in the cafeteria or waiting in their rooms, but Kyungsoo wanted all escape from contact. 

He was in the room when it happened. They all rushed in at the sound of the heart monitor screaming, everything going in a panic. His grandmother wasn’t responding even if the computer showed that she still had a heartbeat, even if the heartbeat was going insane. She was going into cardiac arrest. Kyungsoo was crying as he watched his grandmother die in front of him, the nurses barely being able to help her.

Kyungsoo didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t want to think about his family or anything anymore. After today he would return to work and act like everything was okay, his students often asked him about his grandmother since he would be gone for days at a time, the school knowing about the situation. He didn’t know how he would react if his students asked when he would come in, he didn’t want to know.

“Soo?” A soft voice spoke beside him. Kyungsoo knew it was Jongin, he was the only other person that would call him that, his grandmother, niece, and brother were the only ones that called him Soo.

“Hi, Jongin.” Kyungsoo tried to put a mask on, try to hide the sadness from Jongin behind a smile towards the younger.

“Are you okay?” Jongin asked, sitting beside Kyungsoo. He sat on the floor, head resting against the arm of the chair Kyungsoo sat in. Jongin looked like a puppy as he looked up at the elder.

“I should ask you that,” Kyungsoo chuckled, “You’ve been stuck in your room for nearly a week now.”

“Yeah… my nurses wouldn’t let me out because I thought Minseok was going to try and kill me.” Jongin shrugged his shoulders like it wasn’t a big deal to him. Kyungsoo became unphased to the answers he was given from Jongin over certain topics like how his day was and other mundane questions, “But why are you sad, Soo? I know you’re sad because you’re here and not in the gardens.” Jongin pouted.

“My grandma…” Kyungsoo went silent, not wanting to say more. Jongin knew about her condition, knew why she was in the hospital and why Kyungsoo was here almost every day. He would also visit her, she was nice to him whenever Jongin came by with a new handful of daisies.

“I’m sorry, Soo.” Jongin scooted closer to Kyungsoo to rest his head against his knee, trying to comfort him but not get too close. Kyungsoo didn’t say anything, he kept his gaze out of the window to the world below them, letting a hand fall into Jongin’s hair to gently run his hands through.

The two sat together, watching the sky and everything around as time passed. Neither saying a word. One’s head silent and grieving while the other was full of conversations and constant chatter.

  
  
  


_ “You’re worthless,”  _

_ “Nothing. You’re nothing to me.” _

_ “Nobody cares about you.”  _

_ “They all pity you, they all think you’re nothing.” _

Jongin couldn’t handle the words, he couldn’t ignore them. They grew louder and louder every second. They were all different voices, but all his step father’s words. The voices were all one’s that Jongin had heard before, some were friends from school and coworkers from previous jobs. There were a few random voices that he had heard on the streets. One new voice really hit a nerve in Jongin.

_ “You’re insane, nobody likes crazy people.” _ Kyungsoo’s deep voice rang through Jongin’s ears even if he never heard those words come out of his mouth. For all Jongin knew, Kyungsoo just talked to him because of his illness and not because he actually enjoyed his company. 

When Jongin first heard Kyungsoo’s voice joining in the chorus of chatter, Jongin started to cry. He didn’t want to believe that it was his deep voice telling him these things. Jongdae tried to make him feel better, tried to get him to hear him in a different light, to see that it wasn’t actually Kyungsoo saying those words. Jongin ended up having his hands bandaged again all the way up to his elbows rather than just to the middle of his forearm. He would begin scratching at his hands, digging into the skin deep enough to make it bleed and traveling down his arms for the pain to distract from Kyungsoo’s voice.

“Jongin, what happened!” Was Kyungsoo’s first reaction when he saw Jongin two days after the incident. Jongin refused to tell him, only saying that he tripped and fell in the gardens. Jongdae scolded him, shouting at him to tell Kyungsoo the truth.

“Please be more careful, Jongin. It hurts me to see these bandages on your arms, it hurts to see you in pain.” Kyungsoo was frowning, his eyes drowning in sadness at the sight of his arms. 

“I’m sorry, Soo. I wasn’t watching where I was walking.”

_ “You need to tell him, Jongin! He can help you! Tell him!” _

“Leave me alone!” Jongin shouted, tears starting to fall as he squeezed them tight.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo stared at Jongin, going to move his hands away from Jongin’s only for them to be held in a tight grip.

_ “Tell him. Jongin. You need to. This isn’t a time to ignore it or me. Tell him.” _

“I.. I don’t want to!”

“Don’t want to what? Jongin? What’s wrong.” Kyungsoo moved closer to the younger, watching as he trembled in his seat.

“Stop! Jongdae, stop! Stop please. Stop it!” He sobbed. Kyungsoo ripped his hands out of Jongin’s grip as he continued to cry and shout, he moved to wrap his arms around Jongin, like he did the first time he had an outburst around Kyungsoo.

His sobs caught the attention of some nurses walking by Jongin’s room, it was the first time Kyungsoo was allowed to visit him in his room-mostly because Jongin only wanted to go to the garden instead. One nurse walked in, one that Kyungsoo grew to know, he was Jongin’s nurse. Minseok. 

“Is everything okay with Jongin?” Minseok asked Kyungsoo, the two looking at the crying boy, his shouts slowly becoming mutters and whispers.

“He started crying and yelling at Jongdae.” Kyungsoo still didn’t know who Jongdae was, he didn’t want to ask, he would hear Jongin mention him whenever he would talk to him.

“Minseok?” Jongin had finally opened his eyes, his cheeks wet, “I’m okay. I… I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? You said that last time and it got worse.” Minseok sighed, kneeling down on the floor to be at Jongin’s level. Jongin nodded, releasing his tight grip on Kyungsoo’s arms-he didn’t even notice he had grabbed hold of his arms.

“Who do you hear right now?”

“You… and me. Soo’s breathing. The nurses.. the nurses walking in the hall.” Jongin didn’t look up from the floor, eyes trained on Minseok’s feet. 

“Who do you see,” Minseok asked, Jongin taking longer to reply, “Look up, Jongin. I need you to look up from the floor.”

“I see… I see Minseok,” He looked straight at the nurse, his eyes widening a little when he saw someone sitting in the corner of the room before turning and looking at Kyungsoo, “I see Soo.” Jongin smiled when he saw the man, he wasn’t looking at him like he was crazy, he wasn’t looking at him like Minseok and the other nurses saw him, Kyungsoo was looking at him with hope in his eyes. Hope for Jongin.

“Is that all?” Jongin nodded, hoping that was the last question Minseok would ask him.

“Did you take your medications this morning?”

Jongin took longer to answer.

“Kim Jongin. Did you,” Minseok stepped closer to Jongin, the younger moving closer to Kyungsoo, “Take your medications.”

“No,” Jongin whispered, “I forgot to.” He didn’t forget, he didn’t want to. Jongdae had convinced him that he didn’t need them anymore, that he was getting better.

“Jongin, these pills are important. These pills help you get better, they help you not hear them anymore or see them. When was the last time you took your pills?”

“La… last week.” It was Friday. Jongin stopped taking them two weeks ago.

“If you keep pushing him, it might happen again. You need to stop, nurse Kim.” Kyungsoo spoke up, feeling the tremors starting in Jongin’s hands, keeping them by his side as he held the trembling limbs.

Minseok sighed and left the room, leaving the door open as he went to check on another patient. The two were left alone again, Kyungsoo trying to keep Jongin from pulling at his hair or tugging at his bandages.

Kyungsoo held Jongin, hoping that it would be enough for him to calm down some. It wasn’t long until Jongin fell asleep in Kyungsoo’s arms, the teacher moving both of them to a better position on the bed, Kyungsoo sitting against the cold wall while Jongin laid on his chest. He ran his fingers through the younger’s hair, mind floating about with questions he so desperately wanted to ask Jongin, but didn’t want the answers.

  
  
  


It was weeks before Kyungsoo saw Jongin again. Kyungsoo had showed up to see Jongin a few days after their last meeting only to be told by the youngers nurse, Minseok, that Jongin had isolated himself in his room.

“He does this often, Kyungsoo, it’s part of his condition.” Minseok started, “Jongin will have his mood swings. He talks to himself, well he talks to ‘Jongdae’, and he is constantly hurting himself. He picks at his hands until they’re bleeding, he pulls on his hair like he’s going to rip it out of his scalp.

“Jongin will scream and scream, he will throw things at anyone who walks into the room. We’ve had to take all the furniture and anything else out that he could hurt himself or others with. The medication is suppose to help him. It won’t cure him, but it will make it better. He won’t hear the voices taunting him, he won’t see things we can’t, but Jongin has been refusing it saying we’re trying to take Jongdae away from him again.” Minseok explained. Kyungsoo stopped him from telling him more, simply asking for the nurse to contact him when Jongin was available.

During the weeks of not seeing Jongin, Kyungsoo began his research on schizophrenia. He wanted to know how to help Jongin and not just stand there and watch the younger go through everything alone. The nurses didn’t seem to help Jongin, aside from keeping him from harming himself and others. 

Kyungsoo was in the middle of swimming through his many, many browser tabs when he got a call from the hospital. They were calling to say he could visit Jongin again. Kyungsoo pushed his phone to the side to finish his work for the day, deciding to give it a day before visiting the younger. He wanted to see Jongin. He did. It killed him for the weeks of separation, only hearing from Minseok his state and then leaving the hospital with a heavy heart.

Jongin looked like he hadn’t slept. His hair was sticking up in every direction, deep bags settled under his eyes, purpling. His clothes were rumpled and wrinkled, bed completely stripped of sheets as they lay in a pile across the room. He held a wide smile on his face when he saw Kyungsoo.

“Soo!” Jongin beamed, running to the elder and wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo in a crushing hug, “I missed you. Jongdae missed you too, but he won’t admit it.”

“I missed you too, Jongin.” Kyungsoo sighed, relaxing in his arms, gently rubbing his hand up and down Jongin’s back in a soothing manner. They stood in the middle of the room for what felt like hours on end, enjoying the comforting hug.

“I’m sorry that you couldn’t see me for a month.” Was it a month? Kyungsoo couldn’t tell anymore. The days mushed together and dragged on. He felt like he was going crazy himself.

“I don’t blame you for anything, Jongin. You don’t need to apologize.” 

“Jongdae told me you didn’t want to see me anymore and called me names so I got sad and angry and might have punched Minseok on accident then I screamed at him and, and I got overwhelmed because you weren’t here.” Kyungsoo moved them to Jongin’s bed for them to lay down, Jongin curling up beside Kyungsoo, head resting on his stomach and arms wound around his waist.

“I will always want to see you. Nothing can stop me from coming here.” Kyungsoo let his hand drop to Jongin’s hair, fingers running through the mess. It was silent, a comfortable silence, just Kyungsoo staring at the ceiling while playing with Jongin’s hair, the younger tapping his fingers against Kyungsoo’s stomach. 

“Soo?” Jongin started, “Can… can I tell you something?”

Kyungsoo hummed for him to continue.

“Jongdae is my brother. He died in a car accident while trying to race home after I called him. My dad, my stepdad, he hit me. He called me names. Said I wasn’t good enough. I was too girly. He hit me multiple times. I.. I went and hid in Jongdae’s room one night when I came home from school. He had been drinking. I called Jongdae to tell him to come home.

“Jongdae died because of me. Now, I hear his voice every day. He tries to protect me from the voices I hear and the things I see. I hear you too when you aren’t here. You tell me the same things that he said to me. They all say it to me. Jongdae tries to make them stop, I can’t make them stop.” Kyungsoo could feel his shirt becoming wet where Jongin has his head resting.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo shimmied down the bed, moving so he could face Jongin, moving to hold onto his hands, “I know you can’t control them. I know this is all very difficult for you, but I can assure you I will never say those words that you hear, to you. I care too much to hurt you more than you already are.” He presses a kiss to the crying boy’s forehead. Jongin gripped his hands harder as he cried.

“Hey,” He nudged Jongin’s chin up to get him to look at him, even if there were still tears collecting in his broken eyes, “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i did previously have an end note that explained why kyungsoo's grandmother was in the hospital, but now i don't want to. i also explained stuff about jongin's side, but i don't want to. i created two unnamed characters which are obviously the grandmother and the step father. i guess i also created the character of kyungsoo's niece, but whatever. 
> 
> thanks for reading, comments and kudos are appreciated. be nice, enjoy life and have a great day.


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